I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
