What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
