LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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