It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
