Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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