That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
