Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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