9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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