"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
