I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
