My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
