he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
