A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
