I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
