Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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