Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
