dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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