Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
