as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
