Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
