It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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