hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
