my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
