One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
