I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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