I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
