I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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