How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
