Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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