I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
True strength comes from lack of pants
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