i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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