i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
