just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
