He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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