Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
