Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
