just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
