Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
