i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
