Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
