I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's shark week go big or go home
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
