Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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