so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
