i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize