I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish I only lived at night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
