I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
