I seem to have left my pride at pride
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
