I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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