My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
