I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
