Im at strip club and am horny
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
