she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
