I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
