We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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