Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
