You really coming over, don't trick.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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