I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
