i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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