So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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