my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
