No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
