The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
