why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
