She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
