woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
