Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
