I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize